Broken Reflections
by LightofaNewDawn
Summary: After defying his fate, Hope should've been able to overcome the grief of his losses. But it isn't just agony tempting him. Some other evil mutates deep inside him, to the point where he watches his friends draw close to death…by his very own hands.
1. Better with This Fate

**A/N:** Well, here's my second fanfiction. I have to say, whoever came up with writing fanfic is a genius. Sure, I waste like an hour or two writing and editing this stuff, but heck. I love it.

Don't worry, it gets better than this. I just need a foundation for this story.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Final Fantasy XIII, Square Enix, or anything else but my own ideas.

**10/21/11: **Revisions

* * *

><p>"He's with the Calvary, Mr. Estheim."<p>

At first, Hope didn't know whether he should laugh, cry, or even just say thank you.

The PSICOM soldier said he's alive. His dad. And he was really going to fulfill his promise of returning to him.

When Bartholomew spotted his son, he only gave him a curt nod. Hope's heart began to race, thousands of thoughts crowding his mind. Yet he was at a loss for words. _Dad. _The one who was always too busy to take care of his son. The one who rarely focused on anything else but Sanctum work. The one whom Hope had hated so much before his mother died. Now that the Sanctum was demolished, Hope was sure that his dad would have no excuse. After all, it was just the two of them now.

It was a silent stand-off for the first few moments. Hope stared blankly at his dad, wondering what to do.

"I wouldn't blame you if you're not too happy to see me," Bartholomew finally said. "Serves me right, Hope. If I had followed you and your mother to Bodhum…perhaps she would still be with us."

Hope had to fight back tears. He didn't even know if they were tears of sadness or tears of joy. _If you had been there in the Purge with us, Mom might've had a chance. Things might've been different._

_Or I could've lost you both._

"I see that…you are going to have to adjust a little, being a former l'Cie and all. It's fine, Hope. You've grown during your time as a Pulse l'Cie. It is evident. I will…permit you to finally depart from my guardianship."

_Dad…?_

"You have been wanting this for a while, haven't you Hope? I heard you lament before, how your life would be…better without me. I understand. You must have grown closer to your comrades than I have ever been to you. I won't argue if you decide to reside with your l'Cie friends."

_Is he serious? _Hope could barely comprehend what his father had said. Let him live with whoever he wanted? He could live with Lightning, Sazh, Snow, Serah…

"I've been thinking Hope...and you have every right to hate me after all that I've done. My actions have led us here. I wish I could atone for what I have done. I've shattered your heart from a very young age, and since then, you have been (1)sustained by hate against me. I...I am very sorry, Hope. I truly am."

_There he goes...trying to say it in the most formal Sanctum-employee way possible..._

"Perhaps...perhaps it truly is best for you to live with your comrades. I am unfit to be your father. You are fourteen, and much more responsible than I had previously thought. And even though it doesn't seem like it...I'm proud of you, Hope. You live up to your name, just as your mother had said you would."

_He...he just said he's...proud of me..._

Without thinking, Hope ran up to his father and wrapped his arms around him. Bartholomew was shocked.

"You…you're my only family left," Hope said, tightening his grip on his father. "And I don't think Mom would've liked it if I abandoned you. The past is the past, Dad. It was by fate that the world is saved. If you had been there, if Mom was still alive…well, I wouldn't have lasted this far. I never would've become a l'Cie. I wouldn't have a reason for moving forward. The three of us would've died. I think destiny works in a weird way. But this is the way it is…and we're better with this fate than a worse one."

Hope gulped, finally letting the tears slide down his face. "Dad, because of you, I became a l'Cie. I helped fight the battles that destroyed Orphan. I fulfilled the fate of Cocoon. I don't hate you because of that. After all, you're still my dad. You're a part of me. And the only part I still have."

Bartholomew was completely speechless. Hope smiled and pulled back, looking up at his only family left in the world with the shining green eyes of his mother.

"I can't leave you. You're my dad, after all."

A smile slowly grew on Bartholomew's face. "And you're my son, Hope. T-thank you…you've certainly grown into a fine young man I can be proud of."

"I love you, Dad." And for the first time in years, Hope meant it.

* * *

><p>(1) <em>Sustained by Hate<em> - One of the variations of Hope's Theme. It's most obvious before his fight with Alexander.


	2. What was Lost

"All citizens who wish to relocate to New Palumpolum, please report to PSICOM Vehicle E immediately. Departure to location will be within twenty minutes."

Hope gulped. He knew his dad was going to bring them both there. It was finally time to say good-bye.

"You want to say farewell to your comrades, don't you?" Hope jumped when his dad spoke. "Fair enough. Be quick about it."

Hope nodded and began sprinting off in the direction of the crystal. Even if the brand was gone, Hope found that he had indeed grown stronger during what PSICOM now calls Nova Fata – the new fate. He found himself now called a hero and a criminal. He hoped it would all fade in time.

_Well, then again, why would it? We caused a mass migration to what we used to think was hell on Earth, _Hope thought.

Hope finally reached the base of the pillar that held up the magnificent shell of Cocoon. He placed a hand on the sparkling crystal, trying to send up thoughts to his crystallized allies.

_Thank you Vanille. Thank you, Fang. We went through a lot together during the last couple of days. I still wish you could be un-crystallized to see this new fate we're about to endure. But I know you two are going to be watching over all of us. I'll make sure Oerba is protected and that flowers will bloom there again. We all will take care of Gran Pulse together._

_Good-bye, guys. I'll still think of you._

Hope just realized his eyes were wet, and he could imagine Fang scoffing, _Who's so tough now? _He smiled.

He turned around to leave when he tripped, in the way that had irritated Lightning so much in the Vile Peaks. Hope bit his lip in embarrassment, even if no one had seen him. _Even after Lightning harassing me about that..._

But the object he tripped over wasn't a mere rock or piece of junk.

Hope stooped down to pick up a survival knife. _Lightning's _survival knife. What was it doing here? Hope thought Lightning had stowed it away in her pocket. Did she drop it?

Lightning was the type of person who knew where everything was, and who wouldn't lose a thing. Especially not something as precious as a birthday gift from a younger sister. Hope had been with her long enough to know that. He knew what to do.

* * *

><p><em>"It's her knife. I found it near the base of the pillar."<em>

_Serah's face was full of disbelief as she took the knife from Hope's hand. She knew that it was completely out of Lightning's character to drop something so carelessly as he did. Even Snow knew._

_"Snow…" Serah turned around to face her fiancé. And his face showed his conclusion._

_He sighed as he turned around to face the pillar. "Serah, I'm sorry. She must be inside the pillar. Lightning's holding up Cocoon…along with Vanille and Fang."_

_Hope watched as Serah ran up to Snow and tugged on his arm. "Wait, what are you talking about? She was right here just a second ago!" And Serah began to sob._

Hope's heart was crumbling as he processed what Snow just said. _She must be inside the pillar. _No, that's impossible! He had watched Lightning de-crystallize right before his eyes.

And how could that crazy "hero" jump to conclusions like that? Maybe Light just ran off to explore Pulse…

No, she wouldn't. And Hope couldn't think of any other possibilities.

He watched Serah wail as she clung to Snow, feeling the same heart-wrenching agony in his own chest just by watching her. But he wasn't going to buy it.

"No…Snow, she can't be," Hope insisted. His voice trembled unsteadily, and the words almost came out in a whimper. But he didn't even care about masking his emotions.

"Hope..." Snow kneeled down so he was looking eye-to-eye with the platinum-haired teenager. "You know as well as I do that Lightning would never leave this behind. She...she might've been taken. Attacked. Something. What else could've happened?"

Again, this fact bit back at Hope. "What makes you think she's still crystallized? She just blessed your marriage with Serah! Don't tell me you think that was a dream!"

"Fal'Cie smoke and mirrors play tricks, Hope. She must be in the pillar. There's no other explanation."

No other explanation? Hope glared at the towering blonde. His theory made no sense at _all. _Period. Hope even felt Lightning's hand gently touch his shoulder. Serah had hugged her older sister. Snow was bluffing.

"Snow, you're crazy!" Hope yelled. "She'll be back soon, you'll see! So what if she runs off without telling us anything? The Light I know always comes back. She's going to return."

"And if she doesn't, Hope?"

The teenager glared at Snow. "I thought _you _were the optimist. Being a hero and all that. You're not even panicking? Wondering how to "save" her? Some hero you are, Snow."

"Hope..."

"And it's only been an hour since we de-crystallized, and we haven't seen Sazh or Dahj for a while too. You didn't say _they _disappeared, did you?"

"I - "

"What are you trying to say, Snow? Do you _want _Lightning to be gone? Do you - "

"SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU!"

Hope and Snow stared at the trembling body of the younger Farron. Her eyes were red from crying, but they were also burning with utter rage. _Crap. I guess it runs in the family..._

"Snow, I...I don't believe you. I held Lightning in my own arms, after we reunited. You saw. You _heard. _She told me she was sorry. And she said 'congrats.' That couldn't be an apparition!"

"And Hope..." Serah turned around to face him. _Uh oh...here it comes..._

"I'm completely on your side, but really, you don't have to talk to Snow like that! I get your pain, but really, you don't have to overreact! I completely know where you're coming from - "

"No, you _don't!_" Hope bore his eyes deep into the crystal blue eyes that Serah shared with Lightning. "You don't, Serah. I lost so much more. My mom, Fang, Vanille...and now, Light. I was the youngest of the group, and I went through all of this with - what do you call it, raging teenage hormones? - and as a kid who just lost the most important person in the world to him.

"There goes those raging teenage hormones..." Snow muttered.

Hope shot him a death glare. "Emotionally, I took the most pain. And Lightning, she taught me to be strong. She helped me patch myself up, so we could move on. She helped me live up to my name. I have every _right _to be angry. Lightning's not dead. I _know _it, Snow."

Serah studied him carefully, taking in Hope's anxious face and furious glare. "You must've grown really close with her during Nova Fata," she said softly.

"When I lost my mom...she was there for me," Hope continued. "And she was my mentor, who taught me how to be strong and survive. She promised to protect me..." His voice was beginning to choke up.

"Hope. We understand," Serah assured. "I can see how much you connected with my sister. It sounds every bit like her, finding someone else to protect and love besides me. Like I said, I don't think Lightning's crystal either. She _has _to be somewhere. There _has _to be a reason for this. Don't lose hope. Please."

The platinum-haired teenager clenched his fists. "That's my name, isn't it? Serah, if she doesn't come back...I'll find her. I swore to look out for her, and I'm _not _letting that promise slip."

* * *

><p>"Poor kid's going through a lot, isn't he?" Snow said.<p>

Serah watched Hope stride away. She could almost see the steam coming out of his ears. The poor teenager wasn't just angry, thought. Serah saw a mirror image of fifteen year old Claire Farron. Lost. Hurt. Enraged. Serah was scared where this would lead him.

"He's not going to try becoming a soldier like Sis, Serah." Snow's reassuring grasp on her shoulder let Serah relax a little.

"Are you sure, Snow?"

"I know Lightning talked to him about that. It's evident. She taught him not to take out his confusion and anger out by becoming a heartless soldier. I think he'll be smarter than that."

"I worry for him. I feel like I missed a lot, seeing how close he is to Lightning without really being there to see their relationship grow."

"Well, it's a strange one, that's for sure. I think Hope looked up to Lightning in replacement of his mother for security. Probably why he seems a little lost right now."

Serah considered his words. "You know what, Snow? You _are _the idiot my sister said you were. You really set him off, back there. I wonder what he's thinking about right now. With the whole pillar thing and all." She frowned.

"Look, Serah, I was just trying to be realistic. Perhaps you're right. We don't know yet. Let's just wait on it. Be patient."

"Oh, I can be patient. It's Hope I'm worried about."


	3. Under the Same Sky

****[Edit A/N]: ****I love the surreal "hopeful" feel (no pun intended) of FFXIII. The theme of hope, willpower, and salvation just moves me, you know? I love utilizing that in this fanfic.

* * *

><p>It was hard for him to take his eyes off the crystal of Cocoon. There was no reason to watch it. The massive crystal was dead still, a motionless pearl that he used to live upon. It was like a brilliant moon rising from the surface of Gran Pulse, and still glistened under the light of the stars.<p>

And somewhere in there, two crystal bodies were holding it all up. Two humans like any other who had given up their life to protect Cocoon. Two friendly voices that drifted in Hope's head like a distant memory. Two voices that he knew he would never hear again.

_We promised we would see Gran Pulse together._

But Hope and Vanille would never see it together again. Not while she was encased inside the crystal heart of Cocoon.

"Hope?"

"Oh…hi, Serah."

Her voice drew him back into reality. He had missed the plane to New Palumpolum. Bartholomew had been upset, but Hope assured that he would go there when the next civilian flight was available. Meanwhile, Hope was staying with Serah and Snow. Life just wasn't the same anymore once your home was encased in crystal.

"What are you doing so far out here? It's cold tonight." Serah shivered and pulled her jacket tighter around her. "You should be in the shelter, at least."

"Sorry, I guess I just wandered out here." Which was only partially true. Hope was sitting on the tallest hill in New Bodhum, staring up at Cocoon with countless thoughts swirling through his mind. Something about the crystal felt reassuring.

"You're thinking about them, aren't you?" Serah said softly, kneeling down to sit next to him. "Vanille and Fang, from what Snow tells me. While I was a crystal, I felt their presence. They seemed like really nice people. Were you close to them?"

"Close to them?" Hope shut his eyes, the memory of their faces as clear as day in his mind. "All six of us grew closer than just comrades. In that ordeal, we became family."

"I feel like I missed out on so much," Serah admitted, chuckling. "You must've been pretty different before Nova Fata. From what Snow tells me, you had matured through this journey you had."

"I did. I relied on…on my mom too much." There was a crack in his voice at the mention of his mother. "When she died, I was in pieces. I didn't know what to do. And then, the only thing that was pushing me to move forward was my need to avenge her. But once I was no longer driven by hate, Lightning kept me going. It was a long fight, Serah. And it definitely pushed me to my limits." Hope gazed up at Cocoon again. "Sometimes, I wish I could still be just another teenager living on Cocoon, like none of this ever happened."

"But then where would you be, Hope? Still living as a pet of the fal'Cie, right?" Serah pointed out. "Look at us now. We're free. The Sanctum is no longer the fal'Cies' puppet, and we're beginning new lives. Even though we lost so much in the battle for liberation, we have to keep moving forward."

Hope sighed, then he met Serah's azure blue eyes. "There's still so many obstacles. Now that we're independent from the fal'Cie, we have to find out how to live for ourselves."

"Everything will be okay, Hope," Serah assured. "I promise that."

Serah gave Hope a smile, a genuine, comforting one. For some reason, he believed her. He wanted to believe her. She had the same gentle nature that Lightning so rarely revealed.

"Serah…do you really believe that Lightning's still alive?"

The younger Farron broke her gaze from Hope's, lost in thought. "Hope, I know my sister had just run off to find something. Forget what Snow said about the pillar. And from what you said about being a family, I think Lightning might've gotten the impulse to look for a way to…bring back Vanille and Fang."

_Is that possible? _Hope wondered. "That sounds ridiculous. They're holding up Cocoon. If they de-crystallize, then…it falls."

"You got to know Lightning, didn't you?" Serah chuckled. "My sister wants to protect everyone she loves. Even if it takes everything beyond her own power, (1)even if it means the world will fall apart, she insists on finding a way."

"Sounds pretty reckless, if you ask me."

"Hope, Lightning told you about our parents, didn't she?" Serah's voice was so quiet that Hope almost didn't hear her. He knew this was a sensitive subject she was going to.

"Yeah…she said she changed her name so that she could forget her past. And protect you."

"Believe it or not, I had to protect _her _after the news came to us that our mom was gone." Serah's eyes were glistening. "She was broken. Even though she wouldn't show it, you could tell just by looking in her eyes. She looked so…confused. And disbelieving. Lightning wouldn't accept the fact that…"

Serah paused to compose herself. Hope knew how hard it must be for her to recall something like that. He himself fought to contain his tears whenever he thought of his mother.

"She began to lose herself in fits of constant crying. She'd thrash around at night, caught deep in her own nightmares. Lightning refused to eat or sleep. She was lost in despair, trapped in the horrible reality she had to accept," Serah continued shakily. "I…I didn't know what to do. She used to be such a bright, fearless person. So alive…I couldn't believe that my sister had become this…devastated girl. It was like watching a (2)rose wilting right before my eyes."

"She sounds…worse than me," Hope admitted. "And I thought _I_ was terrible."

"The thing is, Hope, we as humans live our lives based off of _fear._" Serah shifted uncomfortably. "We don't realize it, but everything we do in our lives is to keep fear out, and lose ourselves in a feeling of security. Once that feeling's taken away, we lose ourselves. Like life on Cocoon, for instance. Day by day, we'd live in constant fear of Pulsian threats. That made us rebel against our own kind, if we believed they were 'tainted' by anything labeled 'Pulse.' And that dread drove us through the Purge, the (3)Siege at Eden…Hope, humans live by fear. Nothing else but that determines our actions and our future."

A long, heavy silence followed Serah's words. They were echoing in Hope's mind. What she said was undoubtedly true. _Sanctum lived as puppets of the fal'Cie, and Cocoon inhabitants lived as puppets of the Sanctum. It's all based on fear of everything – fear of our lives and of what we don't know._

_Were we...always so blind?_

_What was it that made us so afraid? What?_

_Fal'Cie._

It was crystal clear. The fal'Cie were the reason that this ordeal happened in the first place. They were the reason that Cocoon had fallen. The reason why Hope's mom was dead. The reason why Vanille and Fang were crystallized.

_And the reason why Lightning's out looking for a way to free them._

The dead truth rang like a hollow bell. Even after countless times of tracing back all the chaos to the fal'Cie, Hope couldn't get over it. The fal'Cie had kept humans as pets, thinking of humans as parasites, as Lightning put it. And they had made Cocoon and Pulse turn against each other. What did they do about it? Sit back and watch.

What a sick reality.

"Hope?"

"Huh?" The silver-haired teen blinked a few times, and realized Serah was standing up. She was offering her hand to him.

"I said, maybe we should go back."

"Oh…okay."

Hope stood up and followed Serah closely behind. As they made their way down the hill, Serah asked, "You're really concerned for her, aren't you? My sister."

"She…I made a promise to her." Hope thought about the arms that wrapped around him, the first time he felt any tenderness from Lightning. "I said I'd try to watch out for her. I want to make sure she's safe too. She can't throw herself into danger all the time."

"You know my sister. She'll cover miles and miles if it means protecting what she loves," Serah said wistfully. "But you know what? Whenever she was gone on a mission on Cocoon, I'd remind myself – Lightning is always under the same sky as me. And then, she doesn't seem so far away."

At this point, the two of them stopped halfway down the hill. Serah was gazing up at the sky again, a sad smile on her face.

_Lightning…you have no idea how lucky you are to have a sister who cares for you so much._

Hope walked up to Serah, and gently prodded her shoulder, so that she'd turn around and look into his emerald eyes.

"Serah…she'll be okay. We're not going to lose her that easily."

He just hoped that he was right.

* * *

><p>(1) Lightning said "We live to make the impossible possible!" before the final battle with Orphan. I love how this quote shows her determination to press forward and keep moving – it's a personal favorite of mine.<p>

(2) For some reason, Square Enix always associates Lightning with roses.

(3) Remember that epic cutscene of the l'Cie returning to Cocoon with their Eidolons? From that point all the way up to when the party reaches Orphan's Cradle is called the Siege of Eden (according to the Final Fantasy Wikia)


	4. Another Goodbye

**A/N: **Alright, this is my first chapter/composition with some help from beta readers. Thanks guys! Hope this is a lot better than my previous works.

I'm working on revising my other chapters too, and straightening out everything. I'm hoping this goes okay...

* * *

><p><em>This is all happening too fast…<em>

Much too fast. Serah closed her eyes and took a deep breath. And yet, somehow, it hadn't been fast enough.

An opportunity to find Lightning. The chance to find answers to her questions. Three years had passed so quickly. Everyone deemed Lightning dead, even after Noel appeared and declared that she still lives. Serah knew she was the only one who still believed Lightning was breathing, still standing under the same sky.

Noel had given her time to say her good-byes, and Serah made sure to use that time wisely. NORA had already wished her luck, and Serah already said good-bye to Sazh, Dajh, and many other friends in New Bodhum. That was all the time she had. But she knew there was just one more person she had to see.

Hope.

He was living in his own apartment next to Serah. The silver-haired teenager was to attend the University of New Bodhum in just a week. Even if he lived in New Palumpolum with his father, the teenager had visited as often as he could. Hope had apparently made a promise to Vanille and Fang. He vowed to nurture Oerba until flowers coated the land once again. While New Palumpolum was too far from Oerba, New Bodhum was right on its doorstep. Serah's apartment became the teenager's second home during his frequent visits before he eventually moved to the town, diligently returning for the sake of his crystallized friends.

His efforts were working. During his numerous stays, Hope and other Bodhum residents had cleared out the mourning Cie'th and overgrowth, repaired all the ruins of the buildings, and began spreading the few blossoms they found on the lonely rooftop garden. That was all they could do, but it was a start. Serah was proud of him for doing such a thing. She knew Vanille and Fang would be pleased at Hope's determination to keep his word.

She slipped into the apartment and quietly knocked on Hope's bedroom door. Her only response was silence.

Serah slowly pushed the door open to see Hope asleep on his bed. Judging from his day clothes, he had fallen asleep unintentionally. _He'd been working so hard, _Serah thought tenderly. Hope was no longer the scrawny little fourteen year old she first met. He had grown rapidly – almost her height, in fact. He was getting stronger and more handsome by day, yet he kept the same gentle heart from three years before. His endeavors to restore Oerba were valiant, and he was the brain behind fixing the mechanisms found there. The clever boy clearly had potential for great things. His mother would be proud.

Entering the room, Serah silently shut the door behind her.

Hope's face was tense, as he twisted in his bed. The covers were wrapped around his body in a cocoon of bedsheets.

"_Mom…"_ he murmured, turning to lay on his side. Serah smiled, her eyes glistening with sadness.

"Hope…I'm going somewhere," she whispered, knowing that he couldn't hear him. She couldn't bring herself to wake him. "I don't know how long I'll be gone…"

"_No…"_

"I'm sure someone will tell you when you wake up." Serah swallowed. Even if he was asleep, she found saying good-bye to the platinum-haired boy harder than she had anticipated. "I know it's hard on you…after all the other disappearances. I really wish I could stay with you. But if I don't go...we might never see Lightning again."

"_Light…"_

Serah couldn't help but smile at the mention of her sister's name. It was endearing to know that Hope still thought of her. "I know…you want to believe she's still alive. I do too. She's been gone for three years now. Everyone thinks that she's dead..."

For some reason, Serah was choking up. It had been easier to say good-bye to everyone else. Why was it so hard now?

"Hope...I'll try to find her. I'll try..." Serah shook her head vigorously, mentally berating herself for having doubts. If Serah resolved on finding the strength to search for her sister, she had to be adamant about it. She had to step up and stand strong. Lightning was _waiting._

Glassy in the dim evening light, Serah's eyes focused far off beyond the wall, beyond New Bodhum, beyond Pulse, into a past with her sister. There was only emptiness in that place in her heart where Lightning should've been those past three years. The soft-hearted girl couldn't find true peace with the question if Lightning would ever return. Knowing that something as simple as reminiscing could ache so much, Serah could much less picture a _future _without her confident sister with her.

"_No! Don't!" _Serah's eyes shot back down to Hope, who had suddenly began to squirm, his face contorted in worry and fear. It looked as though he were trying to fight a beast he could not touch.

She recognized the signs far too well, as Lightning had done the same once before. _He's having a nightmare! What should I do? _

Getting Lightning to calm down was nearly impossible back when the sisters were in the shock of their mother's death. Serah felt completely helpless as the boy continued to thrash. So she did the first thing she could think of - sing.

"(1) _Make my wish come true, let darkness fade to light…" _she whispered softly. _"Show me there's still hope…show me it's not over…"_

Hope's face began to calm, and his tense muscles relaxed.

"_Battles we can win, our struggle lies within. Will we live to greet the dawn?_

_Love will not leave you…hate will not heal you. Promise me one day that peace shall reign."_

Serah continued to sing quietly, watching the tension leave Hope's face. Soon, he was quiet again. Singing that particular song was hard for Serah. It was the lullaby her mother used to sing for her and Lightning, before she had died. Tears sprang in her eyes, threatening to fall as Serah painfully sang a melody that she hadn't heard for years.

"(2) _Make my wish come true, let darkness slip aside. Hiding all our hopes...mocking what we treasure._

_Battles we can win, if we believe our souls. Hang in for the light 'till dawn..._

_Fate will not leave you...hate will not heal you. Pray, and one day peace shall flow everywhere..."_

Eventually, Serah finished, her voice fading into silence. Hope was sound asleep, no longer tense with fear…and the corners of his lips were slightly curved up.

"Don't worry, Hope." Her voice was shaking. "I _will_ bring Lightning back. I…I promise."

Serah quietly slipped out of the room, leaving the teenager to sleep in oblivious peace.

* * *

><p>His eyes fluttered open, head still drifting in the clouds.<p>

_What a dream…_

Hope sat up and stretched, letting out a huge yawn. Then he looked down at his wrinkled day clothes, evidence that he had fallen asleep in the middle of something the previous night. Mind still dazed, the teenager rose from his bed.

As Hope walked to the dresser to dig out some fresh clothes, he saw something that wasn't there before. His heart nearly stopped when he realized what it was: Lightning's knife.

_What...what's this doing here? _He slowly picked up the weapon, turning it over in his hand as if it was a marvelous treasure. The now wide-awake teenager grasped the handle, feeling the familiar curves and grooves of the knife that he had once intended to use for vengence. With a flick of his wrist, the blade glided open. He hadn't seen it since he found it by the pillar...

Green orbs drifted to the note that had been laid under the knife. Hope scooped it up, eyebrows drawing together in uncertainty when he recognized the delicate cursive.

_Hope,_

_I'm going somewhere for a while. I don't know how long I'll be gone. But don't worry about me, okay? I'm leaving the apartment to you. Good luck at the university. I'll be back as soon as I can._

_~Serah_

_P.S. This knife really belongs to you. After all, you're the one who found it._

No.

No.

No.

The words rang in his head like a forgotten mantra. Hope stared down at the note in his hand and the knife in the other. Why wouldn't she just write where she was going? Why didn't she wake him up to say a proper farewell? Why did she leave Lightning's precious knife here?

Only one conclusion surfaced in his head.

Serah was in trouble.

She was off to do something big.

There's a good chance she may not return.

A knife clanged to the floor at his feet, the note drifting down with it like a falling feather.

_Why do people keep disappearing?_

* * *

><p>(1) These are the lyrics to "Serah's Theme," the main theme of Final Fantasy XIII. [Edit]: As I was told...;)<p>

(2) A different version of "Serah's Theme," except I made it like it's all one song.


	5. Fight the Pain

**A/N: **Busy, busy week. I absolutely hate my school's new midterm stuff. We're already prepping for them -.- And it's what, November? Ugh.

Just saying, I listened to Lightning's Theme while writing this. If you wanna hear the effect it adds, try it =3 Personally, I think it's very fitting. Very mellow ^^

I wonder if Hope felt this stressed before the Purge? xD

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><p>Sazh smiled as he took a deep breath, taking in the fresh sea air. The New Bodhum beach was a nice place in the mid-morning, still on the cool side and clear of any beach-goers. He had to admit, it was even more breath-taking than the original Bodhum beach; all salt, sea, and sky. Pulsian places had their own kind of charm Cocoon just couldn't match. The colorful arrays of pink, orange, and blue painted the sky in a way that just made the water…peaceful.<p>

This kind of tranquility was now rare to the aged aviator. Since the Fall, pilots were in great demand. And as the sole pilot who knew the Pulsian geography like the back of his hand, Sazh had been commandeering numerous pilots in a project to map out Gran Pulse, as well as organize aviators to control transport of goods and civilians to and from Cocoon. Ever since PSICOM found out Cocoon was still inhabitable, aviators had to maintain another network of transportation. They were short on pilots and hastily shoving new recruits behind the controls as soon as possible. In the midst of all the pandemonium, Sazh was somehow thrown into the position of Chief Aviator. Now he was the one to blame if the entire operation crashed and burned. Yes, he had a lot of work cut out for him. But for now, it was just the rising sun, waves lapping gently against the white, sandy shore, the delightful sound of absolutely nothing…

"Hey, Sazh!"

Slightly surprised, the pilot turned around and chuckled as a certain platinum-headed teenager stumbled over the sand, eyes still bleary from sleep. "Morning, Hope," he greeted leisurely.

"Have you seen Serah?" Hope asked, as his sneakers plunged into the sparkling sand.

"Serah?" Sazh scratched his head. "Why do you ask?"

"She wasn't at the apartment when I woke up."

A myriad of thoughts swam through Sazh's head and betrayal nibbled at his mind. He knew he should tell Hope what happened to her. But the teenager's reaction was unpredictable. If he were to grieve, Sazh didn't know what Hope would do from there. Too many people had been taken from the young man's life. The pilot didn't want to put Hope in any more pain. He didn't even know when, or rather _if _Serah would come back.

Still, he couldn't keep the truth from Hope forever.

"Listen, Hope…why don't I tell you what I know in the form of a story?" Sazh suggested, trying to keep his tone light.

A mix of emotions wavered across the teenager's face, but he swallowed whatever he was going to ask and nodded at Sazh to go ahead.

"You see…" The aviator turned to face the surf and stretched his arms, feeling his age straining his muscles all too easily. "Gadot told me that NORA was with Serah last night, to investigate this meteorite that crashed here. It was sort of like a bullet, and it was all 'spiked and shiny,' as he put it. But while NORA was trying to calm down civilians, all these random monsters appeared out of nowhere. They weren't anything like they've ever seen before. Not Pulsian, and definitely not from Cocoon. They were attacking all the people, and so NORA had to fight them off. In the midst of all that chaos, a stranger named Noel showed up. He gave Serah a bow-sword weapon to fend for herself, which apparently turns into a moogle – "

"A moogle? Really, Sazh?"

"Hey, I'm just relaying the info. Gadot said the bow-sword turned into a real moogle, alive and breathing. And Noel wasn't some random stranger, apparently. He said he's from the future, and he claimed that he could bring Serah to Lightning."

Again, confusion crossed Hope's face. It was obvious that the story only sounded like a fantasy to him. Then again, Sazh knew that nothing had been normal since Nova Fata…

"So what happened to Serah?" Hope's voice was barely audible, almost a whisper.

"Noel turned the meteorite into something he called a time gate," Sazh said. "He said Lightning was waiting inside. So Serah agreed to let Noel take her to Lightning. NORA thought that was complete crap, though. We insisted that Noel was insane. But you know what happened."

"She went." That was all there was to it. No one could make it simpler than that.

"They left earlier this morning," Sazh said. "Serah promised she'd return soon, with Lightning."

Hope's emerald eyes were devoid of any visible reaction. Completely blank. The teenager clearly couldn't fully register what Sazh had just told him. The shock of the news probably sounded like an unfinished bedtime story. The pilot sincerely wished Gadot had added something like, "Just kidding! Serah's just going on vacation!" at the end of his tale.

Of course, imagination was usually a far cry from reality.

"I'm sorry, Hope," Sazh said apologetically. "We don't know when she's going to be back – "

"Be back? Be _back_?" Hope spat. "What are you talking about, Sazh? Why'd they let Serah go with Noel? What if it was a trick? What if Noel was just sending her to the same fate as Lightning?"

"Hey, hey." Sazh laid a hand on the young man's shoulder, a weak attempt at comfort. "We don't know how long Serah will be gone, but if this Noel man had truly saved NORA and Serah, I think we can trust he'll keep Serah safe. She'll be fine."

"That's…that's what Snow said. He said he'd keep Serah safe, didn't he?" Rage was pouring into the emerald orbs, finding a new comfort beneath a shelter of which he could hide. Sazh could hardly imagine the ferocity of the squall in his heart. Because it wasn't just one person for Hope…and the same thing just kept happening to those he loved.

"Hope, Snow was trying everything in his power – "

"But he failed! And now, Serah's throwing her life into the hands of a total stranger? How can anything be _fine?"_

For the first time in years, Sazh couldn't think of a clever quirk to counter with. The teenager's words were undeniably true. He was seething now – Sazh could practically see the steam coming out of his ears. Only one last thing Sazh could think of to say.

"Hope," the pilot said as calmly as he could. "Our fates were always in the hands of the Maker. We can just hope that this opportunity would lead us to answers. Serah was right to choose to follow Noel. After three years, the opportunity springs up to find one of the missing. Wouldn't you want to take chances and go after that opportunity?"

"I would want to prevent anyone else from _becoming _one of the missing." After a quick glare, Hope swerved around and stalked off.

Sazh frowned as he watched the teenager's retreating form. What had started out as a perfect morning suddenly began tumbling downhill. He could only imagine the emotions that must be drowning Hope's thoughts.

When Lightning first disappeared, Hope would barely keep himself alive. He refused to eat or sleep properly. If this "disappearance" took full hold of the young boy…Sazh could only imagine how much longer Hope would be willing to live.

_He has a lot going on in his life, _Sazh thought, shaking his head. Not every child on Cocoon had been through his experience. Hope had lost the most important person in the world to him during the Purge, then was forced to serve the fal'Cie and run for his life from the Sanctum's pursuit. Young and emotionally the weakest, he was very fragile in the beginning of their adventure. The pilot sympathized for Hope.

Most would think that it was simple teenager angst that was eating him. But Sazh had enough sense to tell when something was wrong, and when something was really, _really_ wrong.

* * *

><p>An enraged young man threw open his apartment door and slammed it shut. He felt like tearing down everything, <em>anything <em>if it would mend the gaping wound in his heart. But that just wasn't the way the world worked.

Hope stormed into his bedroom and collapsed on his bed, trembling from his efforts to cling onto the last bit of sanity left in him. That didn't prevent one deafening, forlorn howl to escape his lips. When he stopped, only silence answered him.

Everything had finally sank in after that one scream. Distinguishing itself in the form of a hard, cold reality.

Serah was gone. She was supposedly searching for her sister through time and space. She was following what Snow had set out to do three years before.

How in the freaking world would time travel help find Lightning?

Hope was fuming inside, feeling the dire need for the survival knife in his fist. Why didn't NORA try to stop Serah? Why didn't they drive Noel away? Why did they let him take Serah to Etro knows where?

All anybody would say to him was, "She'll be back. We have to keep wishing, keep hoping that she'll be okay."

That did nothing to calm the raging inferno blazing in the core of Hope's heart. He was beyond angry, beyond devastated. This was pure, utter ferocity. Nothing could explain the vehemence boiling deep inside him. The teenager was ready to tear apart whoever this stranger was, who had taken away the one person whom Hope would go to for comfort, as he would go to Lightning. Now, that person was gone, just another soul lost among thousands, maybe even millions who had disappeared. Just like Lightning. Like Snow. Maker knew when any of them would return, if at all. Why did he bother hoping? For all he knew, Hope was waiting for a bunch of souls past the point of no return. Just like Vanille. Fang. His mother.

There wasn't even anyone left for him to cherish. All of them were somewhere away from Hope. He doubted any of them were going to return. And he had so few people left to love and protect. What if they disappear too?

He was _not _going to let that happen again.

Hope grabbed his cell phone out of dialed a number, one that he had seen on a sign he passed so often that the number was encrypted into his mind. Then he hit send, and held up the phone to his ear.

"Lieutenant Amodar, Guardian Corps."

"Morning, Lieutenant. It's Hope."

"Hope! Long time no see! Or hear, rather…how's Serah doing?"

The silver-haired teenager bit his lip, forcing his tears to stay in their rightful green world. _Angry one moment, sad the next. I've gotta stay under control._

"She…disappeared, Lieutenant. She went out to find Lightning."

"Really?" A long pause. Hope could imagine the battle-worn lieutenant trying to think of comforting words to reassure him. But the teenager knew not matter what he said, Amodar was only good at healing wounds of battle; scars of the heart were a different department entirely. And only a handful of people knew how to subdue the pain.

_Mom had been one of those people. So had Lightning..._

_...and Serah._

Hope's teeth closed around the side of his cheek, preventing a silent cry to slip past his lips. He would not cry. He was through with thinking, through with hurting and crying. Sitting still, letting the calm of silence shroud him was no longer an option. He had to act. It was now or never.

"Yes. But that's not exactly the reason I called in."

"So what's on your mind, son?"

"Lieutenant, I'd like to join Guardian Corps."

A much, _much _longer pause. The teenager gripped his phone tighter, growing more and more impatient by each ticking second. What was it with adults?

"Boy, you don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, I do, sir."

"I thought you're going to the University of New Bodhum."

"I'm planning to drop out. I want to become a soldier more than a college student."

Hope heard an audible sigh from the other end of the phone. "Son, you do realize what you're saying?"

"Fully, sir."

"You're abandoning the path you should be taking. Hope, I don't know if the life of a Guardian Corps soldier is the life for you. Unlike Lightning when she first requested to join, I know your motive. It's not going to benefit you at all."

"Lieutenant, I already thought that through. But let me make my own decisions, okay?" Hope was beginning to get agitated.

"I tell every recruit that it's hard to turn back if you change your mind. Almost impossible."

"I've dealt with impossible before. You know very damn well I have. If I was able to survive the Purge, deport to Gran Pulse and back to Cocoon again, then participate in the slaughtering of two fal'Cie in one day, I'm fairly sure I'm qualified to be a simply civilian soldier. And I'll be able to turn back whenever I want to. That is, if I choose to."

"Kid, you're not a l'Cie anymore. This is going to be a whole new experience for you. You don't know what it's like to feel so afraid and weak in the face of your enemy. Lightning had been broken over and over again to become the soldier she was during Nova Fata."

Hope scowled, even though Amodar couldn't see his face. "Listen, Lieutenant. I watched my own mother fall to her death right in front of me. Then I was branded a Pulse l'Cie, forced to ignore my mom's death so I could escape the raging warzone of Cocoon alive." A painful feeling arose as recounted monstrous events. "Time and time again both Sanctum authorities and Pulse monsters alike threatened to take my life. I had to figure out what I had to do to prevent the fal'Cie from locking my soul into the crystal body of a Cie'th. All under the ticking clock of a Pulse l'Cie brand. You think I was cool about being the target of my own home? I was only fourteen, sir. I was _always _the weaker one. And I lived. Sir, I am far more capable for this than any other recruit you'll ever get."

"It's not that I think you won't make a good soldier, Hope. It's just that I want you to do what's best for you. I already know you're not just another GC wannabe. I know you're a lad that had fought through so much, suffered through much more than I will ever endure in my entire life as a Lieutenant. But Hope, I hate recruiting. I absolutely hate it. I feel like I'm sending young children with potential on a road to hell. And I want to keep you away from that road."

"Sir, this is my choice, _my _decision alone. Just let me do what I want. You don't have to worry about me. Besides, you _need _recruits."

The silver-haired teenager knew that should win Amodar over. He waited for a reply with exasperating irritation.

"Hope, you remind me of Lightning when she had first signed up for Guardian Corps."

He was not expecting such an answer. "What?"

"When Lightning was just about your age, she also called me up and demanded to become a recruit. Of course, I went over the 'no turning back' warnings and such, but she was so persistent. Later, I found out the reason she wanted to join was to protect her sister. Not only her sister, but herself. She needed to fight something to keep her mind off the pain of losing her former life. I sympathized for her, but she wouldn't turn back."

Obviously, it was a last-minute plea to change his mind. Hope wasn't going to be swayed by a sob story, even if it concerned Lightning.

"You can stop right there, Lieutenant," the young man said firmly. "I said that I want in. So let me in."

And yet another very long pause. Hope was sure that he was going to lose his temper if the man didn't respond. Then he'd just have to storm into the lieutenant's office and –

"When do you want to start, Hope?"

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><p><strong>AN: **Reviews appreciated as always =3 Thank you guys for your reviews! It really motivates me =D


	6. No Time to Relax

**A/N: **Okay, I really have to apologize for my serious delay in this. I've just been so busy for the past few months that I found no time at all to write. So I finally got this done and I sent it to my beta, but she's busy too. Finally, after playing Final Fantasy XIII-2 and going upstairs to my room, I decided, "you know what, I'm gonna publish this thing whether it's edited enough or not."

So if I have any serious mistakes, grammatical errors, inaccurate information, etc., I'm sorry about that. I just felt like I kept this hanging way too long. But I'm back! For now. Ugh. Wish I had more time to write.

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><p><em>That really feels like it was only yesterday, <em>Hope thought.

Now, that time was two years ago. Hope joined Guardian Corps and was welcomed as a hero. All the other recruits said that he'd grow into a fearless warrior. That pretty much summed up what happened during the past two years.

Hope was standing on a cliff overlooking the massive plains of Gran Pulse. It was a brilliant sight that never failed to take his breath away. He had seen it since he was fourteen, yet the majesty the untamed wilderness still enchanted his strong heart. Hope wondered if Vanille and Fang felt that way whenever they gazed out at their homeland. He certainly believed so.

"Sergeant Estheim!"

He didn't move a muscle as Ross, a standard GC, sprinted up behind him. That title was still strange to him. Hope became Sergeant Estheim only a few days ago. He was the youngest sergeant in the Guardian Corps, still at the tender age of nineteen. Despite his youth, all the soldiers were saying that he'd become Lieutenant Estheim by his twentieth birthday. It was almost crazy for Hope to believe that he beat Lightning to the rank of sergeant. Then again, it was her disappearance among many losses that made him who he was.

"What's the report, Ross?" Hope asked.

"The Yaschas Massif appears to be uninhabitable, sir. Too many idle Cie'th and beasts wandering around the perimeter. But the Academy insists it's the only location that they can settle in for research on the Paddra Ruins. They requested that we clear the area for them. According to Blake, the operation could take days, even weeks," Ross said.

"Didn't you tell the Academy how long they'll have to wait?"

"Yes, I did. But they say that any other location is too far from the Paddra Ruins."

"They're really stubborn, aren't they? Can't they be content with the Archylte Steppe? It's a lot less trouble."

"Like I said, they insist, sir. Lieutenant (1)Highwind agrees that the Academy should just set up in the Archylte Steppe, but he wants your opinion."

"Why is that?"

"He said you'd make the best decision, since you know the Yaschas Massif the best."

That was true. Hope had become well acquainted with the area since his time as a l'Cie. He knew well enough that with the amount of monsters that accumulated there, the Yaschas Massif would be ridiculously taxing on him and his unit. Common sense told him to agree with the lieutenant. But there was something about the Archylte Steppe Hope knew would make it hazardous to the Academy.

"Ross, tell Lieutenant Highwind that I recommend the Yaschas Massif," Hope said.

"Really? Why would you choose that?"

"Because of its outlets." Hope finally turned around to face Ross. "I doubt anyone knows how many openings the Archylte Steppe has. Sure, there's the Ma'habara entrance and such, but there are numerous covert passages that allow monsters to travel to and from the Steppe. It's basically the crossroads of Gran Pulse. Consider that and the number of adamantoises. It's actually a pretty tremulous place. All that movement is probably not ideal to the Academy if they want to research on steady ground."

"So the bottom line is that the Archylte Steppe isn't best for the Academy?"

"Exactly. The Yaschas Massif is secluded and the geography is suitable for setting up camp. I had camped there when I was a l'Cie, back when it wasn't so infested."

"Got it. I'll relay that to the lieutenant."

Hope watched Ross as he jogged away. It surprised him how his experience as a l'Cie was useful to him. He knew the best campsites, what plants were safe to eat, and even the best chocobo grazing spots. What Hope knew about Gran Pulse was invaluable survival information to Guardian Corps. Then again, it was the advice of the natives that they were following.

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><p>"<em>See here, old man?<em> That's _how ya skin a beast."_

"_I don't get you Pulsian folk." Sazh held up what was left of his pantheron."How on Pulse do you live without packaged meat?"_

_To Hope's surprise, Lightning began to chuckle next to him. "Those two are a handful," she commented._

"_Well, you can't blame Sazh. We've never had to do any of this stuff before," Hope pointed out as the two dropped their bundles of wood by the fire pit. "And after all, we're on Fang and Vanille's turf now."_

"_Vanille, there's no difference between these two berries, I swear!" Snow held up two identical looking berries up and squinted at them both. "How can you tell this one's poisonous?"_

"_It's the texture, Snow!" Vanille giggled. "You just can't tell 'cause you're wearing gloves."_

"_What, is one of them hairier than the other?"_

"_Snow!" Vanille broke out into a fit of laughter, and Snow just gave her a cocky smile._

"_You know what?" Hope and Lightning turned back to Vallis Media to collect more firewood. "Even though we're running out of time and probably facing imminent death, everyone still manages to find fun within the battles."_

"_It's called anxiety, Hope." Lightning slashed her survival knife over a tangle of vines, somehow producing twigs from the mass. "When people don't want to think about the pain that they're facing, they'll just try to take their minds off of it. They think it'll make them happier, when in fact, they're just running from a fate they can't escape. Only cowards would be so ignorant."_

"_But Light, I don't think they're being cowards. We still have to keep a positive attitude."_

"_And _that's _what turns us into Cie'th!" One swift move of the knife chopped off an entire branch of a tree, plus a single silver lock of Hope's hair. He jumped back in shock and fell to the ground. Lightning dropped the knife in realization that she nearly sliced a young teenager. "Hope…I…"_

"_It's fine. I'm okay." Hope took Lightning's hand and regained his footing. "Light, don't take this the wrong way, but I think you're being too tense. It couldn't hurt to lay back a little."_

"_Lay back?"_

"_You can't work _all _the time," the teenager reminded her. "Otherwise, this whole l'Cie thing really does become an ordeal. If this turns out to be the last days of our life, we might as well spend it laughing. We might be busy worrying about our fate, _but there's always time to relax_."_

"_Huh…"_

"_Last one to the creek's a rotten egg!" Hope whirled around and began sprinting. It was a ridiculous attempt. He knew that Lightning probably wasn't going to–"_

"_Hey Estheim, wait up!"_

* * *

><p>"Did you hear me, Sergeant Estheim?"<p>

"Huh?" Hope blinked a few times, and Vallis Media vanished. Ross was at his side. "Oh, sorry, what was it?"

"Lieutenant Highwind said we're following your advice, and we're planning to head to the Yaschas Massif soon."

"I see."

"Let's head back to the camp," Ross suggested. "I hear that Devon has a heck of a story he's sharing."

When the duo arrived at the unit's base camp, they found Devon in the midst of an intriguing tale about one of his encounters with an Undying. "It was massive!" he was saying. "Its wings were three men wide, and its crystal was smoking with Chaos! The face was creepy – I think it used to be a young woman. It looked like it used to be a beautiful face–"

"You're calling an Undying beautiful?" one soldier snickered. "You wanna marry it?"

The pathetic attempt at humor provoked laughter from the entire group, but Hope snapped, "That's enough of story time."

"Oh, hiya Sergeant Estheim!" Devon called out. "Wanna listen to my story of the Undying?"

"We're going to the Yaschas Massif in less than an hour," Hope said stiffly. "_There's no time to relax_."


	7. Ruthless Monster

**A/N:** Mind my writing, I wrote this in the middle of homework xD

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><p>Hope remembered very clearly the time when he and the others first stepped into the Yaschas Massif. The way it stunned him could not be described in words. He was having a hard time processing that he was on Gran Pulse, the Sanctum-proclaimed hell-on-earth. The majestic ridges and towering vegetation was like nothing ever seen on Cocoon. Nothing could compare to what was the grandeur of Gran Pulse. And this was where he made a promise. A very important promise. He thought this place would remain special in his heart for the rest of his life.<p>

Well, turned out he was wrong.

"These nasties are brutal!" yelled one soldier as he finished a particular hostile-looking beast.

"What the hell drew these things here?" Another soldier tossed aside his now mangled sword and drew out another. "It's like they're spawning faster than before!"

"There's probably a Cie'th Stone or something here that's attracting them," Hope answered, dashing into the battle. He smashed a puma aside to save Devon, who had just killed a wyvern.

This place was no longer the fairytale-like terrain of Hope's past. Something had caused an overpopulation of beasts in the area, turning the Yaschas Massif into a sea of monsters. There were at least a dozen beasts for every soldier.

"Where's Lieutenant Highwind?" Hope yelled to no one in particular.

"He said he got some business to take care of at the Paddra Ruins," Devon answered. "He said you're in charge."

"Sergeant Estheim! Watch out!" a soldier screamed.

Hope whipped around to see a behemoth towering over him in full power. Muscles rippling and fangs grinding, the monster was a fearsome sight. An image of Lightning armed with her gunblade flashed through Hope's mind, quickly breaking his uncertainty. The dexterous sergeant instantly somersaulted over the electric, crackling blade of the behemoth. He lashed out his own Blazefire Saber and swiped at the behemoth's knees without hesitation. The monster began to stagger, and Hope unleashed a succession of rapid strikes, pure metal against metal. He then rolled under the behemoth's flailing weapon and found a chink in the armor, impaling his blade into it for a quick finish. The beast howled and collapsed, leaving Hope's gunblade protruding out where he could easily pull it from the body. Several soldiers held off their own battles to stare at Hope. His fight had lasted seconds.

"Only Sergeant Estheim could down a behemoth that fast," one soldier said in awe.

"He's not as agile as Sergeant Farron, but definitely matches her skill," another older soldier added.

"I didn't know he knew how to somersault like that!"

_That wasn't me fighting. _Hope looked down at his gloved hands as if they weren't his own. _Something's happening to me…I didn't even _know _how to do that._

"Sergeant, behind you_!_"

_Shing. _A limp gorgonopsid body landed on the ground with a heavy thud. Hope hadn't even turned around to slay the beast.

"Sergeant?" A soldier ran up to him, concerned. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Eva." Hope stared at his hands again, this time with a mix of wonder and fear churning in him. It was as if an invisible force was directing his body,

_As if he was being controlled like a puppet._

Then that feeling came again. The razor sharp sense that almost slowed down time, yet made him completely aware of every miniscule movement around him. It sent the hairs on the back of his neck on end. He felt the creature right there, right behind him. And then came the invisible force that slammed his mind into an instant blackout that barely lasted a second.

When he came back out of his swift lapse, Hope realized he was standing before a horde of dead monsters. Not just the one he sensed, but the entire plain was piled with them. It was a gruesome image of an apocalypse, minus the Guardian Corps. All the beasts had been hacked to unrecognizable humps of flesh and bone. Crimson stained the grass, turning patches of it from green to a strange fiery color. The ensuing silence and the feeling of center of attention reminded Hope of being the center of attention in Palumpolum. He didn't like it.

"How…were they all killed so fast?" he asked tersely.

All the other soldiers were too shocked to even respond. It was obvious that they dove for cover when Hope slipped into his madman trance. Now, they all seemed to be radiating a kind of fear of Hope. But the root of the shock was as clear as daylight. Lying in excruciating agony nearby was the strong but stubborn Eva. Despite having seen many wounds before, Hope couldn't help but cringe when he saw Eva's leg. There was a large, deep gash in her thigh that had gone deep enough to expose the glint of bone. Luckily it was clean, but that had hinted that the injury wasn't caused by tooth or nail. It was from the edge of a blade.

"No…I didn't…" Hope backed away from his fallen comrade. "That wasn't…"

The young female soldier was breathing heavily and raggedly, struggling to keep consciousness. "I'm…fine" she insisted weakly. "It looks…much worse…than it feels."

The first one to finally gather his senses was Devon. He stumbled to Eva's side, which only made Hope's stomach churn with guilt. Devon was her younger brother. "Eva, hang on!" he yelled. Then he looked up at the rest of the squad, tears forming in his deep brown eyes. "Are you guys gonna call the medics or what?" he screeched. "For the love of Etro, _she's dying!_"

Hope felt a sickening swaying feeling in the pit of his stomach. The ground lurched underneath him, and he couldn't tell which way was up. All the figures around him were mere blurs, fading in with everything else. At that moment, only pure guilt filled his heart. It was weakening him by the second.

The last thing he heard before he was finally out of earshot was a "Hey, wait!"

* * *

><p>Hope finally stopped to catch his breath. Etro knows where he was now. He had run blindly, with no direction, going nowhere in particular. Just somewhere so he didn't have to see anyone else.<p>

When he finally stopped, Hope was in a secluded clearing. The scenery was absolutely breathtaking, with flowers blooming and the occasional distant call of a feral avian monster. Otherwise, there was pure, unbroken silence. It wasn't giving him the answer he needed. Hope stared down at his hands again, the ones that had been responsible for a despicable slaughter. He doubted he had ever killed so many monsters at once before. And he had never, _ever _risked the life of a comrade before. What was he doing? He was a _sergeant_.

"What's going on?" he whispered to himself. That incident had been a violation of the Guardian Corps Code of Conduct. _I will not endanger the lives of others. I will not let myself bring harm to fellow comrades. _Accident or not, he had broken it. He couldn't dare to go back now. Especially after fleeing from his squad and leaving Eva in the dust. What kind of stupid move was that? The idiocy of his actions left Hope tearing his silver bangs in frustration.

What he needed more than anything was some time to think about what was happening to him, to cool down from fighting for a while. And he knew just where to go.


	8. Daunting Revelations

**A/N:** This might be a heavy chapter. Skimmers beware…

* * *

><p>"You can't be serious."<p>

Four figures clad in overly vivid clothes were all staring at the young man, eyes drilling into him with expressions that left him speechless and refreshed with the pangs of utter guilt. He thought it would be a lot easier than this. After all, NORA, no matter how distant, was the closest thing to family he had left after all the disappearances.

"I'm serious, Gadot," Hope admitted quietly. "And I couldn't think of anywhere else to go but here."

"What do you think this 'weird power' is, then?" Yuj asked. "I mean, not you're still a l'Cie, right?"

"Actually, that might be possibly," Lebreau said thoughtfully. "Just cause the brand's gone doesn't mean he's not a l'Cie anymore, does it? Dark magic like that doesn't come from anywhere else but the fal'Cie."

"Did ya forget already?" Gadot asked. "Ever since the (1)Day of Ragnarok, anyone could use magic. You can't just point a finger and scream l'Cie."

"He's got a point, you know," Maqui added unhelpfully.

The entire conversation had simply puzzled Hope. He was in no mood to listen to all this ludicrous talk of magic. He already had enough of it for a lifetime. "Look, the point is that I need to stay away from GC for some time to mull things over," he said gruffly. "Who knows, maybe this magic will go away."

The four NORA members exchanged cryptic looks that returned the sickly swaying feeling in Hope's stomach. "What now?" he demanded.

"Hope, this is magic we're talking about here," Gadot said. "Most likely fal'Cie magic. You can't just ignore it and think it'll go away. That's not how it works."

"Let _me_ worry about it," Hope snapped. He had let his usually hardened demeanor fall ever since he injured Eva, but it was slowly returning, cold as ever. "It's my problem, not yours."

At this point, Gadot was reaching a boiling point. He was about to protest and snap Hope out of his senses, but Lebreau intercepted. "Let him be," she said quietly. A knowing look passed between them, and Gadot stepped back again.

"Just let us know if anything's wrong," was all he said.

* * *

><p>Later that day, when the sun painted the sky in the hues of pink and purple, Hope found himself in a vacant supply room on the pier of New Bodhum. The open windows drafted breezes from every direction, gently ruffling Hope's unruly silver locks. He was sitting on the window that faced the sea, one leg resting on the frame and the other left dangling. With so much time at his disposal, the young sergeant found plenty of time to simply stare out at the sea and think of his friends who were off somewhere fighting their own battles.<p>

He felt the need to be doing something too, but what could he do at this point in time? Before he could even think about approaching Guardian Corps again, Hope had to figure out what else he needed to do. If there was something sinister acting on him, he couldn't let himself get pre-occupied with military-related things. Too much risk.

"_Mreow." _Slightly startled, Hope tensed as he turned his head to see a petite black and white form that seemed to appear from nowhere. It was sitting by his foot, gazing up at him curiously.

"Oh, it's just you, Snow." Hope allowed himself a small smile as he ruffled the cat's fur. It still amused Hope how Serah had chosen to name it after Snow, and imagined how Snow would react when he found out. It was a sweet gesture, but a little ridiculous nonetheless.

Snow purred softly in delight, then pounced onto a stack of random materials closest to Hope's head. The feline circled a few times before settling down in satisfaction. That was when something on the pile caught Hope's eye; a grimy old book.

Hope gently removed the book from the pile to avoid waking Snow, and brushed the dust off the cover. In the handwriting of Pulse, it said, _Daunting Revelations._ Such an ominous name couldn't be ignored. Still hesitant, Hope opened the book and glanced at the first page.

_This is the truth for all Pulse l'Cie who seek answers. Beware of what you learn, for this was not meant for the eyes of regular mortals._

Those words were enough to trigger Hope's curiosity. What other secrets could l'Cie have that he hadn't already learned?

Warily, Hope began reading through the ancient Pulsian text. He was stunned to find out how much he didn't know. The book was a treasure for lost l'Cie, he realized. It would've been a useful advantage to his group back in (2)Nova Fata. How the writer knew so much, on the other hand, was a complete mystery. A chapter addressing eidoliths caught Hope's attention on how strange it was for the writer to know such things about l'Cie.

_When a human is branded a l'Cie, the god Pulse injects a crystal shard into the body, which will cause a brand to blossom on the skin. That crystal is called an eidolith, which will take the form of the l'Cie's unique spirit. A symbolic replica of the eidolith could be used to summon that l'Cie's respective eidolon, though the actual eidolith itself is far too small and too deeply embedded into the skin to really be summoned._

_While this crystal is the source of a l'Cie's power, it is believed that it is conjoined with the l'Cie for eternity. People can even salvage an eidolith from the remains of a Cie'th or find it deeply embedded in a crystal body. This eidolith will never vanish until the l'Cie ceases to exist._

Hope recalled the eidolith he used to summon his eidolon, Alexander. It was in the shape of a star. Was that supposed to represent his spirit? What did it mean? Now that he thought about it, each of the l'Cie's eidoliths matched them in some way. Sazh's feather-shaped crystal was an obvious nod to his chocobo chick. Snow's crystal heart symbolized how his love for Serah had kept him going. Fang's eidolith of a fang was obviously a manifestation paying homage to her name and her fiery spirit. Vanille's apple-shaped crystal well fitted her sweet, bubbly nature. Even Lightning's rose-shaped eidolith compared her to a rose; beautiful, yet dangerous. How did a star represent Hope?

More importantly, did that mean his eidolith was still in his body? Hope pulled back the yellow bandanna on his left wrist to expose the skin where his brand had been. Was there really a star-shaped crystal in there? He had never noticed anything. The idea that his eidolith might still be in him started to turn gears in Hope's head. If it was still there, did that mean that his eidolith still had magic in it?

_An eidolith is supposed to remain dormant when a l'Cie is in the crystal or Cie'th state. Speculation shows that if a l'Cie were to be freed from his bonds, then the crystal would still go dormant. A former l'Cie then should be able to carry on their lives normally, as if they had never been a l'Cie in the first place._

_There is worry that an eidolith's powers could be reawakened if the person is in enough distress. As despair could summon eidolons or progress brands, it is believed that it could reawaken crystal powers. In addition to the subject's emotional instability, if ever released, this magic could confuse the body's identity as human or Cie'th. The person would then mutate into a half-human, half-Cie'th. These monsters are the Possessed, cursed beyond Cie'th or Undying. These monsters are destructive and feral with no control over their actions, to the point that they will even kill their own loved ones. They can do nothing but despair deep within their true human heart. Creatures like these are damned to an eternal fate of carnage and misery. Only a power comparable to Etro herself would be able to break such a curse._

The book went on to describe other fates possible to l'Cie, including another hybrid form which results from a l'Cie trying to defy their Focus without the strength to do so successfully. Hope was vaguely reminded of Cie Raines, who had unexpectedly crystallized after his defeat. He was unquestionably a hybrid, since he had been fighting against his Focus.

Despite the extra details on l'Cie, Hope couldn't help but wonder if the writings about former l'Cie were true. Was there really still magic still sleeping inside of him? The thought seemed convulsive, since Hope had been hoping he wouldn't have anything else to do with l'Cie after he was freed from his brand.

"_Mreowwwww._" Snow's yawn jarred Hope from his deep thoughts, dispersing his worries along with it. It took him a while to realize that sunlight had faded to moonlight and that the breeze had cooled. Hope blinked slowly to take in night, then watched Snow lick his paw lazily.

"Does this mean…I'm doomed forever as a l'Cie?" The young man wasn't willing to believe this Pulsian book. His l'Cie trials were supposed to be over. Long over.

"No, why would I? Why was I reading this anyway?" Hope tossed the book back to the stack of crates that it came from. _I won't buy any of that. I'm done with magic now. No more of this l'Cie crap._

All the book was giving Hope was bad memories. He wanted to forget the pain and terror of being a l'Cie. Those experiences were far from nostalgic.

Hope began to stand up when he realized that his left hand was feeling strange. A burning sensation, like whenever his brand progressed. His emerald eyes widened when they fell on his wrist. A strange bluish hue had engulfed his hand until about halfway up his forearm. It was flickering with magic, glowing brightly in the moonlight. Instantly, a searing ache shot up his arm, and Hope gasped at the sudden pain. His vision blurred, and he caught the faint outline of his old l'Cie brand glowing on his wrist. The feeling was all too familiar; the pain of being branded.

_What's…going on? _Hope held back a scream as the light emitting from his wrist grew brighter and brighter. It engulfed his vision as the pain grew. Branding was only a minor shot at the doctor's compared to this. Hope could feel tears in his eyes as the unbearable torture consumed his forearm, overwhelmingly splitting into his consciousness.

And just like that, it was gone. Hope cracked open his eyes to see the only light the cabin being the comforting light of the moon and the crystallized Cocoon. But something felt…different.

Almost afraid to look, Hope allowed his gaze to wander to his left wrist. And could not put his shock into words. His fingers were gnarled and mutated into an awkward, enlarged hand. His wrist was now swollen and shining like glass, and it made his hand look like something belonging to a monster. No, not just a monster.

It was the hand of a Cie'th.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Hopefully I didn't overload you guys with mythology. It took me forever to understand it and incorporate it...but that's my canon impulses right there ;) Really, it did take a while... -.-" And I hope I didn't confuse you too much. I'll try to start answering reviews from now on too, especially if I lost you somewhere in all this mythology. Ah, Square Enix...you did it again.

* * *

><p>(1) The day Cocoon fell is officially called the Day of Ragnarok. And the reason why people other than l'Cie can use magic; on the Day of Ragnarok, enough crystal dust was dispersed and absorbed by the soil to grant virtually anybody magical powers, hence how Serah and Noel can use magic.<p>

(2) A reminder: Nova Fata in this fic is my reference to the events of Final Fantasy XIII. It is Latin for "the new fate"

***All background information on the Fabula Nova Crystallis mythology come from the Final Fantasy Wikia and the Datalog.***


	9. The Price of Hiding

"Looks better than I thought it would."

Hope shouldered his new (1) half cape even tighter around his left arm. It was easily attached to Hope's Guardian Corps pauldron so that it hung over his left arm, concealing it entirely. Though it was slightly uncomfortable and disabled the use of his hand, the navy cape would suffice to hide his secret.

"I still don't know why you'd want to wear something like that," Yuj continued, chewing an apple. "I've only seen Sanctum officials wearing anything even resembling that."

"I guess I just want a change of style," Hope replied. "Thanks again for making it, Yuj."

"Just don't get it torn! That wasn't easy to make, ya know!"

"You're saying that to a soldier, Yuj."The young sergeant smirked as he walked away. No doubt fighting would bring wear to it eventually once he went back to it. Then again, Hope recalled that Lightning had a thin red cape that hung from her left shoulder that never got a single scratch in any battle they encountered.

Just the thought of his protective mentor made his heart tighten in his chest. He imagined that when she first started wearing her scarlet cape, she was thinking similarly. Yet not even their encounter with Behemoths damaged the cloth. Lightning moved like her namesake; impossibly swift and graceful. Hope had only barely been able to mimic her movements in battle, matching her agility.

Aside from thinking about Lightning, there was little for Hope to do in New Bodhum. His life for the past two years had been solely focused on fighting. Now that he was avoiding it for his own sake, he had too much spare time. He began to wander the New Bodhum pier.

Most of the NORA members were on patrol, and the beach was much too tranquil. Children ran across the beach, laughing as they tumbled over the smooth Pulsian sand, adults peacefully carrying out their daily routines. Hope couldn't help but feel his heart tighten in his chest. This was the life he could've been living if Lightning never disappeared. Him and his new family spending their days on Pulse happily together, working to build a new world where they were freed from the fal'Cie. There would've been no more troubles, no more struggles for freedom or lost hope.

Etro, that would've been the least he could ask for.

Now what was he? Hope was an AWOL sergeant, working with Guardian Corps to protect civilians from the hazards of Gran Pulse. But what for? He stared blankly at his reflection in the crystalline New Bodhum water, and suddenly he hardly recognized the face that gazed back. Hope spent years bringing down enemy after enemy, turning away his friends for his duties in Guardian Corps. But that led him nowhere. He was just a shell of his former self, the determined teenager who was thrown into an inescapable fate and learned to find the light of hope in the darkness.

His thoughts were interrupted when a little girl barreled into him. The two tumbled into the ocean.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Hope!" the girl said quickly as the other children ran over. "I should've watched where I was going."

His temper was quickly provoked. "You should've," he snapped as he stood. "You could've hurt yourself. Consider yourself lucky!"

Unfortunately, not all of the children were cowering at Hope's sharp tone. "Sir…what's that on your arm?"

_Oh, s**t. _He quickly tugged the cape over his left arm, but the wet cloth only exposed the jagged curves of the crystal. And it was too late anyway.

"Holy Maker, Mr. Hope's a Cie'th!" the girl screamed. "_A Cie'th!"_

Her cries instantly caught the attention of the village. The children began to back away, confusing everyone else. Hope scowled. _This is not good. If other people find out…_

His luck was against them, though, as he felt the biting pain in his arm again. _No! Maker, not now!_ Hope crumbled to his knees as his Cie'th arm began to shine. The blinding light made the children cry out and stagger back even further, as well as the rest of New Bodhum.

Hope felt the burning pain begin to crawl up his arm all the way up to his shoulder. His entire arm seemed to be consumed in a searing inferno. It didn't stop there. His shirt ripped as shards of crystal sprouted out over his chest. Just as quickly as it had come, the pain ceased. But there was no hope of hiding his secret now.

Crystals had reduced his half cape to rags. Part of his shirt was ripped open, exposing his chest in broad daylight. It was decorated with jagged as well as a cave of stalactites. No one could doubt that they were Cie'th crystals.

At this point, the entire village of new Bodhum was in a panic. All the children ran away screaming, and a few brave adults grabbed some spare spears and guns. They all pointed to Hope.

"What the hell are you?" one of the men snarled.

Hope looked down into the water at the crystals arching over his shoulders. His expression could've been the face of a full Cie'th. "I…I don't really know anymore," his whispered.

"You are _not _human," a woman said, gripping her machine gun tighter. "We're not letting you hurt our children!"

"You've gotta be kidding me," Hope muttered. He didn't know how much worse it could get.

No sooner than he spoke those words did a machine gun go off. Someone began shooting at Hope's crystal arm, but the bullets ratcheted off harmlessly. It pissed Hope off. He slowly stepped towards the man who had the guts to shoot.

"What the hell did you just do?" His voice was brimming with anger.

"You're nothing but a monster! A Cie'th!" the man's voice was shaking, but Hope was surprised he even had the nerve to answer.

"Don't. Call. Me. A. _Monster._" Each word accented a step forward, and Hope was soon face-to-face with the man, who finally lost his bravery.

"Get away from him!" A woman, presumably his wife, ran forward with her spear poised at Hope's back. "What are you? You don't belong in this village. Just get out and leave us alone!"

Hope couldn't contain his rage any longer. "SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU!" He swung his mutated arm around in a broad arc, unleashing a powerful magic blast. His vision filled with yellow light and the force of a shockwave. The amount of energy he used drained him instantaneously, and Hope collapsed into the shallow water again.

He looked around him wearily, and his heart crumbled. The magic shockwave had killed the man and woman instantly, as well as all the other adults that had been confronting him. Around the village, everyone else had been knocked unconscious. Even the kids and the birds had gone silent, all lying unmoving on the beach.

"Did I…do this?" Hope could hardly even let the words out. The bodies floating in the water in front of him were lifeless. The people who had only been trying to protect New Bodhum…this was his doing.

"No…no, I didn't mean to…" He kept shaking his head as he backed away from the corpses, going further into the water. "I couldn't have killed them…"

_But you did. _The small voice in the back of his head wouldn't let him hide the truth. _You killed them out of your own anger and sadness._

Hope began to swim away from New Bodhum rapidly, leaving the silent village behind. His heart seemed to be weighing him down with the realization of what he stroke only seemed to grow in power, driven by the will to put as much distance as possible between himself and New Bodhum. He had no clue where he was going, but he just had to escape the scene of his crime.

At least NORA hadn't been there. If they had…they would've been dead too.

But they'd eventually find out.

Hope finally dragged himself onto a shore of pebbles and gravel. As his mind gave way to exhaustion and slipped into dreamless sleep, he couldn't get that one question out of his head.

_What have I become?_

* * *

><p>(1) This is supposed to be like Ezio's cape in the Assassin's Creed series, or Cloud's sleeve in Advent Children. Anyone getting the hint? ;)<p>

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Back from a vacation in Cancun, I am glad to finally release this next chapter. I honestly wish I could've released them closer to each other...I imagine most of my initial readers aren't following me anymore because of how slow I've been with updates... -_- Excuse me for having a life. Anyway, please review, and expect the next chapter within a week! (And I really mean next week!)


	10. Onewinged Nightmare

Hope remembered he thought it was the end of the world when he watched his mother plummet to the darkened depths of the Hanging Edge.

How small his despair seemed back then compared to this day.

He opened his eyes, sat up, and promptly hurled out his insides. Even as the remains of his dinner from the night before sloshed onto the pebbly sand, Hope couldn't help the sickening twisted feeling knotted into his stomach. The rancid taste of stomach acid plastered the inside of his seemingly dry mouth. Masses of confused thoughts floundered in his head, fighting to fit together into something that would make sense. Serah…Guardian Corps…Cie'th crystals…Lightning…

Lightning.

If it wasn't for her, none of this would be happening. Hope couldn't help the bitterness churning in his heart as he thought about the stolid yet caring ex-soldier he once called his friend. If only she could see him now. A pathetic, shriveled monster being swallowed by his own guilt. Surely this wasn't what Lightning wanted him to become. But she was the reason for all this in the first place.

Hope managed to get on his knees, but he felt so weak that he fell over onto his hands, still coughing and hacking. _I just killed a bunch of people…I killed…_

He had no idea that he had anything left to throw up. But Hope continued to vomit, his mind lost in the dizziness of the day's events. It was only eight in the morning, and already it had to be one of the worst days of his life.

Finally gaining control of himself, Hope lifted his head to look around. The beach was small and rocky, with sparse vegetation lining the shore solemnly like a funeral procession. The sky somehow looked bleaker, and Hope could swear he could hear the whispers of fal'Cie in the rough breeze. What was he going to do now? Only willpower had propelled him this far from New Bodhum; he doubted he had the strength to swim all the way back. The untamed wild of Gran Pulse was just a hard and painful way to die, especially if someone's alone.

"Sergeant Estheim."

Hope couldn't bear to turn around. He detected the steely edge in that familiar voice, one that used to laugh with him and taunt him to no end. Back then, it had been a friendly voice, one that Hope had looked forward to hearing after dusk. Now, it only washed fresh waves of shame over him. (1)"Devon," he said quietly.

He heard the Guardian Corps soldier jump down onto the beach and could sense the fury radiating off of him. "So this is what became of our prestigious virtuoso," he snarled mockingly. "A piece of useless crap."

"What do you want, Devon?"

"What do you think?" Hope could imagine Devon pacing behind him to match the sound of his boots scraping the the rocky shore. He forced himself not to turn around, just to avoid Devon's face. "You murdered my sister, and then took off. And do you think I'm okay with that? Did you realize you ran away from GC? You're AWOL. Once you return to GC, you're getting a dishonorable discharge. Just what you deserve for breaking the Code of Conduct and fleeing like a coward."

"You dare call me a coward?" Hope fought to keep his voice steady, but it was already shaking with quiet rage.

"What else can I call you?" the soldier provoked. "You're not worthy of being called a sergeant. Hell, you don't deserve to call yourself a soldier. Look at those crystals lining your arm. You know what you are? I know your kind."

Hope didn't need any reminder. He had enough of the name calling. "A monster. I know."

"Not just a monster. You're Possessed, Estheim. Lost in your own frustration, tainted by the power of the fal'Cie." The barrel of a gun prodded Hope's back, right behind his heart. "My father had been a Possessed. Escaped the l'Cie curse, but was eaten up by the remnants of his magic. He was trapped in the melancholy of my mother's death, and grew angrier each day. He mutated into a half-Cie'th, like you are being mutated right now."

Hope felt the gun dig into his skin. He didn't say a word. But the rage continued to crawl up his spine and curled his hands into fists.

"My father mindlessly killed and destroyed, unable to control the Cie'th side of him. The horrible thing about Possessed people is that part of their humanity still remains. Even as they destroy, they still suffer the guilt of their doing. My father died a Possessed, withered to ashes and reduced to nothing once his soul could no longer take the pain." Devon's voice faltered. "No one mourned him. Not even me. He was too deep in his own insanity for any of us to feel sorry for him."

Hope didn't want to hear any of it. He'd give anything to make him stop.

"Eva was my only family left. And you took her away from me. With the same curse that took away the father I once loved. " The gun seemed to tremble as Devon spoke. "There's no hope for the Possessed. No hope for you."

The sound of a cocked pistol. "Goodbye, Sergeant."

Those were the last words Devon ever spoke. Before Hope knew what had happened, the soldier was lying on the beach, his body twisted horribly out of shape and his neck cracked in half. The pistol lay inches from his wretched hand, still loaded with the bullet intended for Hope's heart.

"Damn, not again!" Hope quickly backed away from the corpse. Devon's glassy eyes were sightless, staring light years away from the planet. They'd never come back to Pulse, never have to hatefully gaze at Hope again.

Hope knew he had no control over his cold-blooded actions anymore. Another force took over when he lost his temper. _I really am Possessed. A monster…_

A blinding white light flashed behind his eyes. The burning pain returned once more. Hope began to writhe and howl as the crystals slowly crawled down his back and curled around his abdomen. The searing pain seemed to have hit his core, as Hope's vision blacked out and his ears filled with the screeches of his own voice.

_Don't even try to resist. You're growing weaker as the darkness still consumes you. What's the point of fighting it?_

Something large was rising out of his crystal shoulder blade. Hope let out an agonized wail that shook the ground and sent flocks the wyverns to the high skies. A single magnificent wing and spread, cracking away the rocky skin that once concealed it. Silvery crystals coated the mutated structure as it began to swipe the air clumsily.

_There really is no hope left for you. Why bother denying it? It's not going to do you any good anyway._

_Nothing left for you but the promise of despair._

Hope stumbled to his feet and began to run nowhere in particular. Even though he knew he couldn't run from this darkness eating away at him, he still ran. He couldn't think of anything else to do. He stumbled through the dense undergrowth that seemed to claw at him, opening inviting him to just let go and fall into an abyss of nothingness. Monsters seemed to fear him, since even the most ferocious and vile-looking behemoths shrank away at Hope's craze presence. His crystal wing batted wildly as he ran, almost like a flag warning Gran Pulse that he was an uncontrollable demon.

_There's no point in fighting the chaos raging in your heart._

Chaos…the matter that makes up a person's heart. But what was it doing to him? Hope could see a dark smoke begin to cloud his vision. It seemed to be coming from deeper within the valleys he was stumbling through. And for some reason, Hope felt the urge to follow it. It was almost like he was attracted to darkness…

_Like a moth is attracted by light. Irresistible, even when you don't want it._

The chaos grew denser as Hope approached its source, still clouded by his anguish. A crumbling stone monument was radiating darkness, and he could barely make out the inscription blurred by chaos. But he knew that the writing was Etro script. This was a monument to Etro.

An indistinct image seemed to reaching out to him as he fell to his knees, chaos seeming to weaken him and dig deeper into his mind. Her wavy pink hair and azure eyes were still recognizable in the wisps of chaos concealing much of her. "Lightning…help me…"

_Your mind is no longer your own. Your will is chained to the will of Chaos, the beginning and end of humanity._

Her lips moved to the eerie voice, as if she were speaking them. Hope groaned at the biting pain of the crystals still spreading over his body. "Who are you…?"

_Your deadliest salvation, your strongest weakness. Your mind is no longer your own. You cannot fight it._

And at that moment, a hammer seemed to crack down into his mind, shattering his sanity to millions of pieces. He was a monster, with no control over right or wrong, his humanity smashed. He was programmed for only one thing; destruction. And he couldn't do anything about it.

Lightning faded out of his vision, almost smirking at him. He roared and reached out for her, but she was gone. It seemed that in that moment, his last light of hope had flickered out.

Hallucinations crashed over his ravaged mind like relentless waves. His mother, Snow, Serah, Sazh…they were there, but not there. All their presence brought was despair. The Cie'th magic was growing ever stronger, the crystal buried deep in his left wrist burning like a terrible fire that would not calm. He clung to his last piece of sanity as best he could, but it was just too much.

There was nothing but pure chaos in his heart.

All he could do now is pray. Pray for an end to this nightmare. This nightmare that he would not accept as reality.

The last shard of his sanity escaped him in the form of a single teardrop.

* * *

><p>(1) Devon, you may recall, is the younger brother of Eva, a Guardian Corps soldier that Hope had injured earlier in the story.<p>

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><p><strong>AN:** If my previous hints at what was happening to Hope wasn't clear enough, here's the explanation.

Hope's anger and sadness is acting up his old l'Cie magic, but it had somehow mixed with Chaos somewhere along the line. He's turning into a Possessed, which is my term for a half-Cie'th half-human. The bad part is that they act like Cie'th, but they still have a small bit of humanity in them so they suffer the guilt of killing innocent people. And now, Hope's a full-blown Possessed.

I know, how could I torture Hope like this? But he's always been overly emotional, yes?

Oh, and did anyone get my reference with the wing?


	11. Truly No Hope?

**A/N: **Hello, I'm back! After I think a year I finally got back to writing fanfiction. Honestly, even I ask myself why I sign myself up for so much at school when I can't even get 6 hours of sleep each night ~.~ Anyway, here's the next chapter to the fanfic I finally got around to...

Oh, and please, I'm warning you right now this chapter won't be pretty. And don't murder me after you finish, I'M NOT DONE WITH IT YET. There is a method to the madness, I tell you!

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><p>At first, it was very faint and hard to see. Hope's vision was blurred with so much chaos and tears, he didn't even see it at first. But it grew stronger, pulsing steadily with increasing warmth.<p>

Light.

It shone vibrantly and flooded the terrain overwhelmingly, enveloping the darkness. The light flooded over the chaos, the two dancing around for dominance in the misty terrain. Hope shrieked from the overwhelming power of the light, his wing beating furiously as if attempting to bat it away. And then, the brightest light of all appeared before Hope.

Her steely eyes glistened with a new power beyond mortality. But when they fell upon hope, it all seemed to melt away, replaced with another emotion that cannot be explained.

"Hope," Lightning whispered. Her painfully familiar voice echoed around him, provoking him to wail thunderously. Hearing Lightning's voice was a stab in the heart to Hope. He couldn't control his furious, clumsy swings at her. When he was a human, he had loved her. But the remaining shreds of his humanity couldn't stop his blind Possessed nature from reacting to her.

She dodged each strike swiftly, floating lightly above his crystal-ridden fists. "You can fix yourself," Lightning said. "Get rid of the chaos infesting your heart. You just have to try to listen to me."

Hope could only howl in anguish, the hollow cry of a Cie'th beyond healing. Lightning averted her gaze from him with an expression he had never seen before.

"Please, Hope, listen to me," she said darkly. "Etro knows what might happen if you can't."

He felt hopelessly blind and deaf to her pleas. The only thoughts swirling in his mind were those of chaos and inner destruction. And inside, he was vaguely aware of something struggling to find its way through the broken ruins of his heart. Why did it feel so foreign to him? Hope's fists then mindless swung at Lightning once again, and she again jumped out of the way.

"Hope, I know what you must be feeling." Lightning's piercing blue gaze bore into him. "But you have the strength to break through this monster and find yourself again. I know you can."

The struggle in his heart was becoming stronger, and more painful. The sudden surge of aching clouded Hope's mind, and he only tried to attack Lightning more desperately. And somehow, he was aware that his humanity was trying to fight his Possessed nature.

"We'll kill it," Lightning said. "We'll take out your Possession and get rid of it."

_Get…rid of it…_

Hope's inner Cie'th seemed to be outraged at this. Before he knew it, Hope was throwing himself at Lightning. She just barely managed to roll out of the way, and Hope crashed to the ground. A few crystals seemed to shatter on his body, and he felt something shatter inside of him as well.

Something had broken inside of him. He felt an enormous surge of pain and let out a howl of bitter agony. He realized the remorse he felt was mixed in with another emotion he had almost forgotten as a half-Cie'th – love. Lightning was one of the people near and dear to him, and he had been trying to kill her. The floodgates of his heart were opened, overwhelming him enough to simply crush him.

He realized he was weeping. Weeping for his pitiful life, what he had become, and what he had failed to do. Everything burst from him in the bitter tears that seemed to flow unceasingly. It was something that should've been impossible for a Cie'th who lost him human identity. But there Hope was, crumbled and buried in the crystals of his own body, crying for his fate.

Then it happened. He felt an excruciating burst of raw pain in his chest that came suddenly and swiftly, like a flash of lightning. Slowly, he looked up. Lightning had driven her gunblade right through him. His tears had abruptly stopped from utter shock as chaos puffed out and clouded his vision. He couldn't see the expression on her face through it.

_Lightning…why…I thought you said…_

She peered into his shocked face, and he was startled to see the pain in her eyes. He could feel her hands shaking through the gunblade impaled in his heart. "Hope… "

Lightning slowly withdrew her blade, and fresh blossoms of chaos puffed from his open wound. His body went completely limp, and through the haze in his head, he couldn't comprehend why Lightning would do this. The worst part of it was that the little humanity Hope had left in him was absolutely despairing. The pain of what she did was unbearable, overshadowing even the pain of the impalement. Hope was beyond heartbreak, and his human emotions were becoming painfully clear.

_After all she said…she still decides to kill me…_

Before giving into what he thought was to be his lonely death, he thought he felt gentle tug on his mutated arm and a magnificent light. Was it heaven…?

It couldn't be. A monster like him didn't belong there.


End file.
